that funny looking asian boy (icraveattn) wrote,
that funny looking asian boy
icraveattn

jessy graduated

Seeming like another lazy summer night, I had ignored a lot of invitations to go out and broke a lot of promises to make return calls to opt out and fall asleep in a passing out manner on one of the most comfortable beds in Gainesville. During the day, Rob and I realized our college-ness while we were leaving On the Border. There I was, looking all wanna be punk-emo and there was Rob, in the biggest white fro I've seen on a man, riding in my roommate's dirty van that hadn't been cleaned since spring break, one our way to a grocery store so that we could make our own dessert concoctions because we were drunk and high. Listening to Guster.

And so I roll out of my bed around 4 am and stumble into my computer chair to see what messages have been disappointingly left for me throughout the night. I didn't mean to ignore everyone, but I also didn't mean to force my body into requiring me to sleep for a few uninterrupted hours. So, I'm reading messages and away messages when I come upon Jessy's:

graduation

wait, what?


I hear a "click" in my head and it all hits me all over again. That I'm a terrible friend at keeping correspondences. That everyone I had graduated high school with is now graduating from college and heading into the "real world." That I am, every day, becoming more and more of a failure for not having my degree yet.

It sucks that I have friends like Jessy, who, I used to be so close with but have gradually parted ways with during the years. I made my efforts here and there, but it becomes somewhat a struggle after losing touch at some point of high school. Graduating is one of those big moments in life, I wish I had known that she was heading towards it. I wish I knew what she was doing next. I just wish I had kept in touch.

And every day since the last day of graduations here at UF two weeks ago, I feel more like a failure. I realize with each passing day that I am one more day behind on my degree. That, had I graduated on time, it would have been two weeks and five days ago. I want to get out. I want to finish this and go on.

Granted, I love this town and I love this life and everything that it's given me. But the realization had hit pretty hard and I don't like it. I don't like knowing that, in the end, I will probably be stuck in my life until I can get this degree and get out of this town. I want to move.

I want to move to Boston.
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  • 3 comments
you are not a bad person at all you are a great friend.you are always there for someone to talk to and foe someone to lean on.you are awesome person and friend never forget that.larissa
eh don't worry so much, everyone has their own pace, I'm graduated now and I have no idea what comes next. I want to move to L.A., I just hope it all works out for all of us, I don't see why I shouldn't, eventually. Just you know, getting there is the bitch of it. God, listen to me being positive, wtf? cheers.
kong you are a awesome.you helped me out so much today i really thank you you mean so much to me thank you love you larissa