And so I roll out of my bed around 4 am and stumble into my computer chair to see what messages have been disappointingly left for me throughout the night. I didn't mean to ignore everyone, but I also didn't mean to force my body into requiring me to sleep for a few uninterrupted hours. So, I'm reading messages and away messages when I come upon Jessy's:
I hear a "click" in my head and it all hits me all over again. That I'm a terrible friend at keeping correspondences. That everyone I had graduated high school with is now graduating from college and heading into the "real world." That I am, every day, becoming more and more of a failure for not having my degree yet.
It sucks that I have friends like Jessy, who, I used to be so close with but have gradually parted ways with during the years. I made my efforts here and there, but it becomes somewhat a struggle after losing touch at some point of high school. Graduating is one of those big moments in life, I wish I had known that she was heading towards it. I wish I knew what she was doing next. I just wish I had kept in touch.
And every day since the last day of graduations here at UF two weeks ago, I feel more like a failure. I realize with each passing day that I am one more day behind on my degree. That, had I graduated on time, it would have been two weeks and five days ago. I want to get out. I want to finish this and go on.
Granted, I love this town and I love this life and everything that it's given me. But the realization had hit pretty hard and I don't like it. I don't like knowing that, in the end, I will probably be stuck in my life until I can get this degree and get out of this town. I want to move.
I want to move to Boston.