On the 23rd of February, I come across a voice recording I had left in my cell phone. Apparently, I had decided after the Modest Mouse show (and a lot of drinking) that I would give up masturbating for Lent. It being the Monday night before Lent (begins on Ash Wednesday), I freaked out. What the hell was I thinking???
I lasted a week.
By the time I had left for the South Florida spring break trip, however, I had stopped again. We left the night of the 8th of March. Didn't do it during spring break. Didn't do it after. A long time after. At some point, I decided that I would hold off until the end of the semester instead of just Lent, to make up for the cheating. I wasn't quite sure when the last time I had cheated was, but I was sure that the end of the semester would equate to more than 40 days.
After a while, I started getting worried. I was waiting for the wet dream. According to everything I had learned in sex ed, wet dreams come every month should a guy have a build-up of semen. Well, hitting 35 days and not having nocturnal emissions caused me some concern. As I read up about it on the internet, I came to the conclusion that once they discover masturbation, guys don't stop. Ever. I couldn't find a thing about anyone actually not masturbating for a while and having issues of not having wet dreams.
During this time, though, I had plenty of sex dreams. Really good ones. What sucked is that I would wake up from them and immediately check my boxers with the hope that I had a wet one. Nada. Hitting day 48 today, I got pissed. My goal had changed from the end of the semester (my semester was done) to whenever I hit a wet dream. I was getting worried that I wouldn't have one.
I woke up this morning laying on the couch. I passed out in the living room again. It was only 9 am, so I went up to my room and played some Red Alert 2. I decided at some point that I would play video games to relieve myself whenever I got the urge. I had beaten half of Red Alert 2 in less than a week during finals week/end of the semester. Then I decided to take an hour long nap.
I had sex three times. In my dream. I woke up after each one. First, there was the blowjob. I woke up and checked myself, got disappointed, and was actually able to fall back into the same dream. Next was a threesome (running in the same dream). Woke up, checked myself, nothing. Then, there was the orgy. And I woke up, checked myself, and then got angry. I had forgotten how badly I needed to do laundry and I had dirtied my last set of clean underwear.
Then, I realized that the abstaining was over and I got excited again.
And that is the story on why I went commando to work today. The end.